I have a quick question I’ve been wondering about. I’ve noticed that all the important women in my life fall under certain categories: they are either rape/abuse victims, addicts or mentally/physically ill. This is not a bad thing – it’s just really striking that I seem to find these people. I’m mentally ill myself, so that’s probably part of why I care about them a lot. For example, my wife is a sexual abuse victim and suffers from depression. I’m wondering if there was some sort of spiritual force behind this pattern. I don’t know – maybe someone or something wants me to help people. Thanks for any advice you have on this subject.
Russell
Astrea:
Why do you attract these women into your life? For one thing, it’s nice to feel like a hero. We all like to feel like we’re helping others in important ways. In fact, being a rescuer or solver of problems can be very addictive.
You keep attracting these women because you want that good feeling you experience when you help others. It’s as if you have a big neon sign over your head that says Come to me – I can fix things! People with the heavy sorts of issues you mention can sense that you’ll draw them out and really listen.
If you want to stop this pattern, first you have to stop wanting it to happen. Pretend that sign is there and just reach up and turn it off! By consciously taking action to break this pattern of experience, you can attract something different in the future.
Many people who have a history of getting involved with troubled individuals are said to have wounded bird
syndrome. Just like some women are attracted to bad boys, some men are attracted to women who have a history of abuse and abandonment. They like knowing they are so much better than the abusers who hurt those women in the past.
Some people seem to have a never-ending desire to fix
things in others. While that may be a noble pursuit, it should only be done by a qualified professional. When the person doing the fixing is also having issues, it spills over into the lives of the people he or she is trying to help.
Since you’ve noticed this distinct pattern of experience, at least you realize that you are the one who is attracting these women into your life. Being attracted only to people who need to be rescued will drain you and cause you to make some pretty awful mistakes in judgment.
There are two main issues to keep in mind if you want to avoid big frustration: First, most people don’t really want to be fixed
, and second, the only person you can really change is yourself.
On the surface, it might seem all right to play the knight in shining armor to women who have a history of rape, abuse and abandonment. However, a person in that role needs to be very cautious or he can do more harm than good by making the other person completely dependent on him.
Playing with the emotions of someone who has been abused in order to help them can often make things much worse for everyone involved in that relationship. Further, those relationships often end very badly, so I hope you and your wife each have a good therapist to help you deal with all of this.
*****
Susyn:
It’s a metaphysical fact that we attract what we are projecting out into the world, so it’s not surprising that you’re noticing a pattern concerning the type of people you tend to draw into your experience.
You are correct in assuming that, in a most remarkable way, you are the best person to help these people. Your empathy and understanding draw these women to you for the purpose of healing.
It’s no accident that you regularly cross paths with people who have heavy issues they are working on. Because you’re a Scorpio, your own nature draws them in and affirms that you will understand and help them to heal. The beauty of this is that when you help to heal others, you heal yourself at the same time.
It doesn’t sound like this pattern is a problem for you. Being the best you can be and striving for healthy balance within yourself will enable you to help even more. We’re all on this journey together, and we gravitate to the people we can help as well as those who can help us.
As a Scorpio, people perceive that you are nonjudgmental and accepting of everyone. The depth of your unconditional love is apparent to all. Being a water sign, you come across as more emotional and sensitive. Unfortunately, this can also make you more susceptible to depression or mental illness.
You can capitalize on your Scorpio gifts by using them to gain higher awareness of this pattern. Because your sign rules the soul and the subconscious, you’re able to see beyond the obvious and into the true heart of matters. You also have a keen ability to get people to open up and share their fears or concerns.
If you want to explore this further, I recommend contacting your local rape crisis center or mental health center to see if they take volunteer counselors. By engaging in the free training they offer, you can expand your ability to help others.
One thing I would warn you against is becoming too close to these people. Because of your Scorpio nature, you can be a psychic sponge. This gives you the ability to take on others’ troubles or upsets, but in the end, it could prove to be a major drain on you. You can remain helpful and empathetic while also constructing careful boundaries around yourself that will prevent you from giving away too much of your own time and energy.
You will notice that, the healthier you become, the more you will attract a variety of people who are also working on themselves. This is fascinating to observe and is a great barometer of the progress you are making.
Astrea:
Many times in life we hear, “You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT.” Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown’s book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn’t read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don’t usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity – you gotta love it!
I like your description of “getting caught.” That’s exactly what it feels like, isn’t it? One minute you’re free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that “feeling of return.” With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family’s interest in “psychic stuff” will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You’ll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she’ll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn’t nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it’s STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don’t get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you’re doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.