My ex-boyfriend/best friend died three years ago. I’ve been in love with my current boyfriend for over four years. Two weeks before my ex passed, he told me that he still loved me and would wait until my current relationship ended. He died in October, 2009. Ever since then, every October I dream about him watching me from a distance. Sometimes the dreams are okay; other times they are uncomfortable encounters. Here’s the really strange part: every year around October, my current boyfriend suddenly starts feeling stressed and doubtful about us and wants to leave me, but he always comes back to me begging in December. Do you think my ex is haunting my dreams and hurting my relationship with the man I love, or is it all in my head?
Ash
Susyn:
What you are experiencing is real and not in your head. Life has a way of unfolding in cycles; the fact that you have noticed these situations repeating themselves at certain times of the year is no coincidence. October is the time of your best friend’s passing and also the time of year you dream about him and experience trouble with your boyfriend, so it is clearly playing a key role in these events. Astrologically, October is also the time when the Sun travels through Libra, the sign of the zodiac that rules relationships.
It is common to relive certain events in the month they occurred each year. Your friend’s passing must have touched you to the core, especially after he had revealed his true feelings. While his spirit may watch over you constantly, it would be natural for you to be more sensitive to and aware of him in October.
This could be triggering certain behaviors and energies around you that then affect your boyfriend. We are all highly sensitive to changes in our loved ones, and are subconsciously aware of them even when they aren’t obvious. I would not say that your friend is deliberately harming your relationship. Instead, it’s likely that YOU are different in October because of these memories, and your boyfriend is reacting to the change in you. When he breaks up with you every October, he is reacting to you feeling different to him, though he is probably not consciously aware of that.
While your friend is indeed infiltrating your dreams, it’s not to haunt you so much as to remind you that he continues to be around. Writing these dreams out in detail could reveal if there is unfinished business between you or if he is trying to send you a specific message. Putting these dreams down on paper could eliminate some of the stress that is contributing to the turmoil in your current relationship.
I recommend that you visit a psychic who can channel your departed friend. During the reading, you can ask him directly to step back and allow you more space. Tell him that his visits are interfering with your relationship and ask him to stop.
Remember that you can limit the influence your friend’s spirit has over this situation simply by asking him to let go. He may not realize he has passed over (this happens more often than we realize), so not only is he keeping you from moving forward, he is stuck himself. While you’ll always share a spiritual connection, you can do so without interfering in each other’s journeys if you ask the psychic who channels for you to help him cross over into the light.
*****
Oceania:
I think this is in your head. That being said, heads can be very powerful! What your ex said to you and when he said it instilled a lot of guilt that has been messing with your mind ever since! I hope to help clear your head and ease your mind, which should lead to an improved relationship with your boyfriend. His annual withdrawal is a reflection of your own struggle with the relationship when guilt-laden memories of your ex surface in October.
You’re carrying excessive, unnecessary guilt towards your ex, which is preventing you from fully claiming and enjoying your new relationship. You probably felt guilty for the entire year that you had a happy new relationship while your ex did not. Your ex must have been good at guilt-tripping, for you felt compelled to offer him the consolation prize of best friend, which is a role your new boyfriend deserved to take over.
Your reticence to fully commit to your new relationship because of guilt has caused your current boyfriend stress and doubt. I’m not saying he doesn’t have issues of his own, but you can only address your side of the street, and most of the time, that’s enough! Your steadfastness in the relationship will help calm whatever inner fears he’s contending with.
It is very common for people to refrain from diving in and celebrating a new relationship when their exes, dear friends or family members are unhappily single. You can overcome your tendency to hold back from bliss through counseling aimed at bolstering your self-esteem and self-worth.
It’s time to face the fact that what your ex-boyfriend/best friend said to you was NOT very nice. When exes say they still love us and will wait, it’s not loving. Not only is such a statement disrespectful of the relationship we’re currently in, but it’s an attempt to lay a guilt trip on us. Instead of telling you how happy he was for you, he declared he would put off his own happiness until YOUR relationship ended. That was a manipulative, self-centered tactic and a passive-aggressive prediction that your current relationship would end.
Not only THAT, the timing of his disclosure practically made it a deathbed revelation, which would tend to have a big impact on you. Your dreams of your ex are uncomfortable encounters because your inner wisdom KNOWS he was behaving selfishly; you just haven’t wanted to face that fact. I suggest you do not join your ex in sabotaging your current relationship; rather, release him with love and at the same time fully commit to your current boyfriend and REAL best friend!
Astrea:
Many times in life we hear, “You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT.” Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown’s book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn’t read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don’t usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity – you gotta love it!
I like your description of “getting caught.” That’s exactly what it feels like, isn’t it? One minute you’re free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that “feeling of return.” With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family’s interest in “psychic stuff” will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You’ll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she’ll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn’t nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it’s STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don’t get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you’re doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.