Ever since I was a little girl, I have attracted people who seem to be lost, down and out, sad and hopeless. I have always been the one to become friends with the so-called underdog. This has been such a draining experience that now as an adult, I have started to stay away from these people in my life. No matter what advice I give them, they never seem to want a solution. If I even suggest there is a way out, they will twist my words and tell me why what I am suggesting won’t work. I am spiritually drained and feel like I’m wasting my time and energy. I don’t seek these people out; somehow they just find me. I can’t seem to get away from this. Please understand that it is never important to me if a person follows my advice or not. I also know when it’s time for me to shut up and just listen. What is important to me is that the person who dumps the weight of their worries on my shoulders doesn’t turn my attempts to help against me. Maybe my life purpose is just to be there for people who need a kind word or a hug. However, I am sick of being treated badly when I try to help. A woman I know actually yelled at me, calling me everything but a child of God when I offered to pray for her to find strength when she was going through a crisis. If I didn’t know better, I would swear I wasn’t talking to someone I’d known all my life, but to someone possessed! How do I continue to be a caring soul for people who don’t seem to care at all? I’m exhausted!
Lisa
Susyn:
Even though you feel these needy people somehow find you as opposed to you seeking them out, you are the one who will have to set new boundaries. All sorts of people will seek us out if they think we will give them our energy, money, time or attention. It even happens in the spirit world; once entities realize we can hear them, they come out of the woodwork to try to talk with us.
Your empathetic nature and understanding ways make you a target for people who want to dump their troubles on someone. Further, you are correct: they don’t really want someone to advise them, they just want someone to listen to them.
Metaphysically, they are stealing your energy. As you focus on them and give them your undivided attention, they are absorbing invisible power, which ends up making them feel better and you feel worse.
If you were to leave your house unlocked, you’d be inviting a steady stream of thieves to come in at all hours and take whatever they wanted. That is why you have to be the one to put the lock on the door and quit inviting needy individuals to take your energy but ignore your advice.
This is easier said than done. If you have been a sounding board for your friends and family, they will probably not take kindly to the changes you are about to make. However, with time and practice, you can minimize their constant drain on you.
When they come to you with their problems, the following new approaches should help you create a different outcome. You can listen for a limited time and then respond with phrases such as, I’m so sorry to hear that
or I understand how you feel.
Notice from these examples that you are acknowledging them but not giving any advice. Once you start giving advice, these people will think you are trying to control them or influence them, like the religious-phobic woman who reacted violently to your offer to pray for her.
If they insist you offer them advice or tell them what to do, your answer should be I really don’t know
or You’ll have to decide for yourself.
You can respond to requests with a simple statement such as I’m sorry, that won’t work for me,
without giving a reason why. If you give a reason, they will try to pick it apart, so simply repeat this statement until they give up.
I agree it is exhausting to be carrying the burdens of so many people. You can still be a caring soul in the world while setting up new boundaries to make sure your own needs are your first priority. When you take care of yourself in this way, you’ll actually set a good example for others on how to live a healthy life.
*****
Mata Maya:
You are frustrated because you are assuming that these people think and operate the way you do. These people don’t really want your help or your advice, what they want is your energy! What you describe is a typical energy vampire dynamic. This doesn’t make these people bad or even ill-intentioned; in fact, I have yet to meet an energy vampire who was conscious of what they were energetically doing.
Most energy vampires hook people by getting them to care, for they learned at a very young age that the easiest way to get others to send them energy is by making them feel sorry for them. While you are listening to them and wracking your brains for a way to help them, you are giving them your life force energy, so even though they reject your ideas, they end up feeling better while you end up feeling worse.
To break this pattern, you’ll have to stop making these interactions all about them, and instead, make them all about you – at least on an internal level. As soon as you find yourself caught up in this old pattern, stop and chuckle to yourself on the inside, as though saying to yourself, Aha! I recognize this old pattern; here we go again!
Once you become conscious of what is really happening, you can decide if you want to give your energy away or not. Since these people don’t really want your help or advice, you would be wasting your time and energy trying to give it to them. There is a lot of information out there on how to handle psychic vampires; if you search the ‘net, you’re sure to find a lot more.
Next, realize that because of this past pattern, you’ve started to expect people to dump their problems on you and react negatively when you try to help. This is probably what led to the crazy experience you had with the lady who yelled at you. To break this cycle, you will have to pull your attention away from what has happened in the past so you can work with the law of attraction to manifest what you want to experience instead.
When you find the old pattern cropping up, withdraw your energy from it. This may make people mad because you are refusing to let them steal your energy, but knowing that you’re simply choosing to reach for a healthier level of experience will help you remain calm and stay strong.
The more you focus on what you do want in relationships, the more your course of experience will begin to shift. Instead of hoping other people will change, focus on changing yourself. If you give your attention and emotional energy to what you want, that is what will begin to grow in your experience.
Astrea:
Many times in life we hear, “You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT.” Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown’s book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn’t read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don’t usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity – you gotta love it!
I like your description of “getting caught.” That’s exactly what it feels like, isn’t it? One minute you’re free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that “feeling of return.” With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family’s interest in “psychic stuff” will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You’ll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she’ll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn’t nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it’s STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don’t get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you’re doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.